Day 17: Why I am Here, Part I

This is a bold statement, I realize. I was going to begin with a question: “Why am I here?” But perhaps I have learned something already. Perhaps pretending to be real, pretending to know or not to know, isn’t the answer. Perhaps guessing is. Take a stab at it! If it ain’t the truth, it won’t ring true. But if you don’t try, what’s the point? You might as well Say… WHY.

The colours of my life are wonderful right now. I am riding on a wave of destiny. Who knows where, but that was last night. The where doesn’t concern me now; It’s the WHY.

WHY WHY WHY

I am here to grab you.

I don’t know why.

My defenses are slack.

My reason is why.

I have no excuses

No alarm bells to set off 

No delay tactics

No seductive tamperings

I cannot lie

Tell me why?

I am here to find out

Shout it out

From the rooftops of the sky

You don’t have to know WHY

Just do it, whatever calls to you,

Wails to you from the open sky

Do it

From your shy

ill-prepared mind.

I don’t know why. I really don’t.

But sometimes I feel it… I feel it when I hear it, when I know it, when I see it. I feel it when I dream it. I feel it when I rise up in the morning and something has shifted and I don’t know why. (Sometimes those are the best days… when I don’t know why.)

Some sorry-assed ‘Coordinator in the sky’  is trying His very, very best, handling me with great care; but nonetheless, he droops a little because… “I just don’t get it.” 

But this day – this moment, I silently “get it”, I silently try. I silently am ready to lift my hands to the sky and say YES! I will try. (I will try not to complain). Yes! I will try not to control everything! I will try not to predict the WHYs and WHEREFOREs of my very BEING.

 

I just get to Rise. I will rise to the occasion of “I don’t know WHY”

Because something in me is cooking; something in me is beckoning, rising above the quaketops of my reason, the broadband of my reasoning; above the delay in the response, the trickles of light fever, the “sorry, I don’t get this, can you please repeat?”, the “Please, please tell me… WHY????”

Something in me doesn’t give a F— and just wants to Give IT. Deliver IT. Be IT. Quake NOT at the NOTHINGNESS of it all: The matter of  IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY; the quiet, timid reflections that make-us-feel-better-for-a-time-until-the-next-question-arises: That Next Heart-Stopping, Earth-shattering, Eye-Popping

WHY 

But, as Shania says… (and I’m sorry about this, really):

WHY NOT?